Nursing School

You may not have known this about me; however, I began my nursing journey in August 2017. To be honest, the journey began three years prior with my prerequisite courses. Many forces have culminated to bring me to this space. My broken childhood, where I was forced to forget about the present abuse, neglect, and realities of life to cope; to my adolescence – trying desperately to define who and what I am and love; to, now my adulthood – looking into my past in order to make sense of my future. I have landed here: analyzing my life in respect to the future I am creating. It is difficult to understand why I chose nursing, with so many personal emotional issues. My history would seem to suggest that caring for myself should take precedence. How, then, do I account for the desire to enter into nursing, where caring for others is the focus, instead of any other profession? Deep down, I feel that by entering the healthcare field, I can find the ‘cure’ for what ails me. I want to discover what and how to cure what upsets me. In so doing, I may be able to help someone else. This is what motivates me.

The journey continues as I have a year and half left before completing my education. I have yet to discover a cure to my pains, but am confident that those answers are coming…

-Eric

We Don’t Have all the Answers

There are no rules to life. People that want to have control over you impose rules. They make you want what they have; name brand bags, shoes, clothes, and cars do not help. They are there to focus your attention on what you don’t have. What I don’t have?

My success does not depend on you anymore. For a long time; this was what my internal conversation was like. I have always thought of those above me as motivation to succeed. I never believed that what I needed I already had inside. This has been a recent discovery for me of late. The thought that I already have everything I need within me to succeed; this is a powerful motivator for me now. I have come to realize that those I looked up to are just as flawed as I am. No longer do I focus on what the guy next to me, or, for that matter, above me is doing. I already know what I need to do to succeed. Focusing on that person above or next to me is going to distract from what I already know I should be doing.

Getting to this point was a process; not one that anyone takes lightly. I would have not landed in this place if I had not associated with people that showed me what is possible in life. The mentality that I had was one of admiration. Admiration is good; it becomes a detriment when you freeze in awe of the success of others. I had to see that I can succeed. I don’t need to be like anyone else: I need to be me.

Life teaches us all in different ways. We are not all on the same journey. How boring would it be if we all did the same thing. My journey is not what you need; it’s only an example of what it takes: discovering what motivates you. Your journey will be unique. We need to discover what life needs to teach us. Live your life and learn your lessons.

Post your journey; and teach me that we all have something within us to contribute.

Grey.

The grey harkens day.

I waken with sun on  my face.

The light hidden at bay.

Sun makes the day.

 

Together we pray.

Knowing no result comes

Comes because of intelegincea.

In my heart; eat I sit.

Broken and sad.

Take Things Slow.

Slow it down.

Take a moment.

Aggression’s a clown.

It leads us to atonement.

 

Without reflection.

You won’t learn anything.

Think about your diction.

It will become your everything.

I Question Myself.

I just witnessed a grand story today; a story that I will ponder – here – with you. A story about what it is to be alive – human. There is so much that points me to understand that I am a great person; we are all great people. The day-to-day ramblings and notions that we need to pay attention to distract from this.

As I ramble on and on, I think about the story that has provoked this long passage of my mind. Today, I was exposed to the teachings of Dr. Sigmund Freud. The idea, to make a long post short, is to talk about everything and anything. Just regurgitate what is on your mind. Then, hopefully, a trained professional can peel apart the layers of your thoughts and make sense of them; find your deepest traumas, the hidden ideas that are causing pain in your life.

I am reluctant to do this now, but I hope to really give this a go in the future. For now, I will leave this post here.

Thank you for reading.

Laugh

Ha – I got you. 

Ha – I love you. 

Ha – I think about you. 

Ha – I miss you. 

Someday.

Someday I will be better.

Someday I will matter.

Soon it will come to pass.

Soon it will be in my hands.

 

I believe it can be done.

I believe it has already begun.

Inside the beast resides.

Inside the beast no longer hides.

 

My power is great.

My power can impregnate.

Someday it may come to pass.

Someday may never last.

Father’s Day

You could have been there, watching over me.

Taking care that I become more than just a baby.

Sitting and watching that I be okay.

Never leaving, even through the trials of the day.

 

But the sun came up and you were not there.

Left, in the night, without a care.

Alone I sat in the rooms that I thought you bought.

Realizing that you never even gave a thought.

 

This is the tragedy of a Father’s day.

Thinking about you, even though you are far away.

You’ll be forgiven.

This is what I think about, here, sitting in my emotional prison.

Words

Think about the summer breeze on your face, the joy of laughter across the thick warm air. Stand there and witness the fleeting beauty of a flower – carried away, out of sight, so far away.

Everything is new.

Your body tingles, hair stands up – breakout – a cold sweat and shiver for a moment.

Everyone sees you, your hair, and blemished skin.

Turn and look away – there’s a mirror over there.

Can’t turn to face it – No!

The reflection.

Nowhere to turn, no one that understands. I’ve moved through the rooms; searching for answers. You find none; sitting in the dark emptiness of your room. Maybe you hear the ticking of a clock, slowing down until it stops.

Then it does. Silence. Nothing – sitting here, in this dark room.

In summer-time.

As we move through our reality; the power and rhythm pulses with life. Walking together, this moment in time; pause here, let’s think about summer-time. 

Freedom from the cold grip of winter. Bodies dance in the heat of the pulsing summer air. 

Vibrating and harsh –  the power feels a violent pressure on my skin. 

This bright sentinel in the sky – harks the glory of the time we have left. 

We’ve paused and ruminated on the physical beauty of this life. Freedom, power, and glory bring us through this time. Let our thoughts come to vibrate – bring peace to our minds.