You may not have known this about me; however, I began my nursing journey in August 2017. To be honest, the journey did begin three years prior with my prerequisite courses. Many forces have culminated to bring me to this space. My broken childhood, where I was forced to forget the present in order to make sense of the future; to my adolescence, trying desperately to define who and what I am and love; and now my adulthood, looking onto my past in order to live my future. I have landed here, staring at what life I have created and wondered why I have made the decisions that I have. It’s difficult to understand why I have chosen nursing with so many troubling emotional issues. The statements that I have made would seem to suggest that caring for myself should take precedence. How, then, do I account for the desire to enter into nursing, you might say. Deep down, I feel, selfish reasons account for my desire to enter the healthcare field. I want to discover what and how to cure what upsets me.
The journey continues as I have a year and half left before completing my education. I have yet to discover a cure to my pains, but am confident that those answers are coming…
There are no rules to life. People that want to have control over you impose rules. They make you want what they have; name brand bags, shoes, clothes, and cars do not help. They are there to focus your attention on what you don’t have. What I don’t have?
My success does not depend on you anymore. For a long time; this was what my internal conversation was like. I have always thought of those above me as motivation to succeed. I never believed that what I needed I already had inside. This has been a recent discovery for me of late. The thought that I already have everything I need within me to succeed; this is a powerful motivator for me now. I have come to realize that those I looked up to are just as flawed as I am. No longer do I focus on what the guy next to me, or, for that matter, above me is doing. I already know what I need to do to succeed. Focusing on that person above or next to me is going to distract from what I already know I should be doing.
Getting to this point was a process; not one that anyone takes lightly. I would have not landed in this place if I had not associated with people that showed me what is possible in life. The mentality that I had was one of admiration. Admiration is good; it becomes a detriment when you freeze in awe of the success of others. I had to see that I can succeed. I don’t need to be like anyone else: I need to be me.
Life teaches us all in different ways. We are not all on the same journey. How boring would it be if we all did the same thing. My journey is not what you need; it’s only an example of what it takes: discovering what motivates you. Your journey will be unique. We need to discover what life needs to teach us. Live your life and learn your lessons.
Post your journey; and teach me that we all have something within us to contribute.
The grey harkens day.
I waken with sun on my face.
The light hidden at bay.
Sun makes the day.
Together we pray.
Knowing no result comes
Comes because of intelegincea.
In my heart; eat I sit.
Broken and sad.
Slow it down.
Take a moment.
Aggression’s a clown.
It leads us to atonement.
You won’t learn anything.
Think about your diction.
It will become your everything.
I just witnessed a grand story today; a story that I will ponder – here – with you. A story about what it is to be alive – human. There is so much that points me to understand that I am a great person; we are all great people. The day-to-day ramblings and notions that we need to pay attention to distract from this.
As I ramble on and on, I think about the story that has provoked this long passage of my mind. Today, I was exposed to the teachings of Dr. Sigmund Freud. The idea, to make a long post short, is to talk about everything and anything. Just regurgitate what is on your mind. Then, hopefully, a trained professional can peel apart the layers of your thoughts and make sense of them; find your deepest traumas, the hidden ideas that are causing pain in your life.
I am reluctant to do this now, but I hope to really give this a go in the future. For now, I will leave this post here.
Thank you for reading.
Someday I will be better.
Someday I will matter.
Soon it will come to pass.
Soon it will be in my hands.
I believe it can be done.
I believe it has already begun.
Inside the beast resides.
Inside the beast no longer hides.
My power is great.
My power can impregnate.
Someday it may come to pass.
Someday may never last.